Bleh ,

Feeling like crap. No fun at all , hate it when this happends.
Reason why i am feeling like crap is prolly because of that i’m not doing what i want at the pace I think it should go. feeling frusterated about it , now angry and annoyed and blogging about it.
This is just a bloody make shift solution to calm me down and i know it.

Hating this , alot.

Most annoying thing is I don’t see why this having a life and a goal is relevant to life.
in the end we are going to die and that’s just is. only reason why we exist is to evolve our race and why is it so that millions of people urge to have a “goal” is to participate and accelerate the evolving progress.
By having a goal you face hardships wich lead to knowledge wisdom and skill. That in itself is the true purpose of a goal, not what you achieved but what you gained.
and ofcource to share that knowledge , wisdom and skill we have pride ,the urge to talk to people.
becuase that way we pass down our knowledge. eventually we are evolving into another stage of the human evolution.

All these proccesses are pretty natural and would be weird if it didint happen. Though i be young of age and already knowing this , it is in conflict with my body and emotion. i urge to do something but i am really hard to motivate.
I already have seen much conflict and expierence or else I wouldent be typing this piece of text.
Frustrated as I am I want to get rid of this feeling and do something.

Depressed you might say , yes would be most likely.
But i do laugh enjoy my day have a girlfriend wich i love. aside this nagging feeling i’m feeling pretty much fine. It saddens me to type this when i reread piece of what i just wrote , althoug very few will read this , I’m still blogging this. It’s just annoying , knowing you can’t do anything about it.
you could say just try to ignore it but I cant.
At least not untill i’m trully motivated for something.
I lack motivation and dicipline , I bloody hate it yet can’t seem to do something properly about it in the pace I want it to go. slowly yes , but to slow
it’ll take me another couple years to get to the point where i want to be. and then i still need to get started. (with work and so forth , this is just about my mental state of being)

Bleh , I’m finishing this for now , somewhat satisfied with this for now , as it is a makeshift solution. emotions calmed down but i dont think I’ll be able to sleep , ot i could play some music and sleep.. maybe thats better…

Ohwell , good night and sweet dreams.

Taodih.